12.15.99

Sarah re-appeared at my basketball game today. It was miraculous and marvelous! Though I played worse, excuse due to her presence--see the case of Meagan last year for reference. I loved her eyes and lips following me as I blundered against Simcoe time and again. I could not allow myself to excessively celebrate the joy of her watching me (and subsequent motives) when I realized that Sarah was also at Simcoe's game Friday night with tonight's conspirator, Katie. Maybe I'm getting too insecure, like last year when I assumed Meagan came to our games for Adam. It is logical enough (damn Math, damn Science, you've chained my heart) considering Katie went out with 2 Simcoe players: Precious and Morris. The test will come Monday when we are at home to Holy Cross, when I find out if Sarah loves me by her presence (don't worry, in her absence I'll rationalize with her having to work at Tim Horton's). The quiz is this Friday. I burst internally. Oh yeah, lost in my psycho-analysis is the fact that she and Katie lingered after the game and she said to me "Good game." Oddly enough after that, when Chris and I were driving away, she and Katie were standing waiting for a ride. Almost as if she waited for the specific purpose of congratulating me! Analysis can flow both ways! I am so relieved I remembered that small (and weighted) token. For the pessimistic reader, I do have nuggets of disturbance: Ashley (in Dave's car): "Meagan says you two don't talk." My pen grows tired of analysis, but the road Ashley constructed to this revelation was tedious. Can Meagan possibly still care for me, by disliking the fact we don't talk? (Except for the phone where A.G. Bell blessed us the privilege to be immortal to one another hours at length). Answers, again alas, come Friday. 2 Nights of sleep/On the desires I cannot keep.