12.20.99

It feels trite to re-collect the momentous Prom on these sparse pages, but I will describe (somewhat) the night's events. I better write a short story about it soon. John was an hour late, though departure (with Meagan and I in the back seat--silent. HINT: silence between us becomes a theme for the night) was marvelous. Megan's parents are intimidatingly attractive, it made me feel unworthy of escorting any of their blessed off-spring. I, on arrival at the hotel--and after a sufficient check-in wait--polished off a mickey of rum quite quickly (45 minutes)--if I may congratulate myself. This single event of excess shrouded my memories the next day and yet preserved my brilliance (and later stupor) for the night. Meagan and I went to her room and were alone for a drink picking up corsages. It felt thrilling to chat with her. At this point I will place my drunkenness at the stage where I had no inhibitions writing a humorous poem about Jesse G. in a Penguin suit on a piece of paper for Meagan. When we proceeded to the dance and dinner, upon entry, I was struck. Vivaciously I 'worked the room,' checking in on Geoff, Krystina, Sachin, Adam, Christine, and lingering with Sarah. Ah Sarah! A whole diary could be devoted to our night's elopings. Apparently (for my memory is beyond hazy and only rejuvenated with pictures and snippets of information from friends) I danced with Sarah quite long and, I'd like to think, romantically. I just wish I'd remember the majority of what I'd said. I have a theory, due to Gord's claim that I was a "silent drunk;" maybe I did not say much at all. Perhaps, just a theory, I simply absorbed the overwhelming beauty of the night in silence. It makes sense. For Sarah, in pictures now, has the ability to makes this rambler mute. I also conspired with Sarah and (her apparent bride) Katie S. to their room to drink and talk. Largely the talk consisted of me making fun of Katie's Simcoe boyfriends and Sarah's Brandon flame last year. The middle of the night was filled with dances involving the ghost-like me and Jordan, Monica, Andrea L, and etc. beauties. I only know this because Kate told me. I certainly did not have the novelist's regard for preserving details nor the poet's ability for preserving beauty (Sarah) that night. My final few dances were with Hannah. She kissed me on the cheek repeatedly and it felt like Grade 10 love again--re-born. The after party was excessive. 'Chinese jumps' with Adam and pizza with Sarah (in, my mind, my sister's Nike sweatshirt on) and others. I felt hollow the next day, I've replenished some now, that I may not have danced with my date--at all. I barely even ate dinner with her. Horrible, horrible guilt plagued me til I realized it was Meagan and it was guaranteed she had fun with or without me. Now I have what amounts to closure in my affections for Meagan. I treated her like a worthless harlot that night and my unconscious/drunken head must have wanted this. Therefore, I will now close as effectively as pale heart's allow, our relationship ('silent but violent'). Sarah is forever crystal! People (i.e. Fraser and Gord) remarked how much I was dancing with my "skinny Princess" and I was elated by their confirmations. Maybe I dreamed it all! P.S: I don't remember Nicole S., and don't recognize myself in certain pictures. I felt like a different, and content, other person. Adam S. got arrested for trafficking drugs and I should have been arrested for: 1. breaking someone's heart (Meagan) 2. entering nostalgia by re-kindling an old flame (Hannah), and, most importantly 3. murdering my desolate winter with hopeless, beautiful love (Sarah).