11.29.99

Danny Aitken committed suicide or died yesterday and we learned of it today. It hollowed my insides to hear it from Mrs. Mandzuk's mouth. Plus she introduced it frighteningly (to me at least). She said that a student who attended our school in Grades 9-11, and who now attends DM died. Immediately I assumed my former best friend Tim. How I would have died myself! It seems selfish considering a life was lost anyway and Danny and I had brilliant conversations about tang conspiracies at Project Spirit in Grade 9. My life gained perspective (that selfish "It could have been me fear of death loathing restriction" feeling). Writing of girls loses some validity today though Monica virtually stalked me. She is sleeping over here Friday night! Kate told me and I dreamed Monica had ulterior motives for slumbering i.e. me. Christine was divine and graceful and all the beautiful philosophies I never reveal to her crept out. She had a bad weekend with Geoff and the Idiots (Krystina and Lindsay) though Adam and I comforted her Saturday night. I abstained from alcohol this weekend though a tiny part of me wishes I had gone to Steve's party to talk and conspire with a sober Monica. Meagan has found a hole. Though today I cannot blame her. I wish I could talk about the profound effects of today on her outlook, seeing as she was close to Danny--somewhat.