10.6.99

I ignored too many love thoughts today. They eat at my exploring brain. Yet I swear Monica was staring at me as I stood in a group outside 1st period and she stood down the hall. She was laughing and I caught her eye and held it for that split second. Christine continues to make me feel immortal and attractive. I love her as much as she loves everyone else which is a love immeasurable. We're now collaborating on a Math project and it's wonderful. Jeff's immaturity and humour are useful when he's my friend yet horrible as a classmate. I hate Laryssa and it's manifesting into a hate of Krystina. They're so annoying and small, I should forget them and their ability to be ordinary. Johnny stopped by tonight. He's only pompous at school. Tonight he was brilliant. I stepped outside of English today and actually went outside where I had an epiphany. I loved the trees and simpleness and forgot about education with its wood and complication. Meagan returned dropping hints of yesterday about yesterday. She tries so hard to deceive me. I know her too well. It's amazing what you can learn about someone when you've hurt them or have been hurt by them. I can't decide still what happened with me and Meagan. I just realize I know too much to be healthy.