10.5.99

I figured out today why Meagan's in my humour club: because she makes me so funny. In the library today during the end of spare, we re-lived old times. She was searching for a French book for a project. We were alone in the library. We kidded each other like nothing ever happened and it was still last March. She laughs so beautifully. I was on fire. My humour hit the mark. She eventually left and I now feel we're on good ground. Adam M. may still like Monica which dented my pure adoration. Yet I still love and make conscious efforts to be close to her and talk to her at Cross-Country. I'm convinced she loves me. Looking at a picture today, she remarked "you see Geordie, there I am sitting behind you." Adam and Kate may be back together. He could never finish anything anyhow. In 4th spare the people kept coming and going: Hannah, Ashley, Lauren, Eben, Meagan, but I stayed the same. I walked with Hannah to her locker and convinced myself she was Catherine Barkley and I was Friendrich Henry from A Farewell to Arms. I love too easily. "John loves everyone"--Adam and Geoff. His insecurity leads to infinite crushes. It must be painful to be ignorant.