10.12.99

Christine is so physically intimate and yet today she said when sober she's done "nothing. Absolutely nothing. That's a little pathetic, eh?" with a guy. When drunk she prides herself on not being a "slutty drunk" and has only kissed Dave and Mark. She now loves Mark. She was cutely embarassed about her actions Saturday night at McDonald's when we visited a Mr. Johnny S., one of the nicest people on the planet. She apologized today in class. Ashely is God's gift as she is pretty, smart, and funny. We both also happen to enjoy kidding each other like newly-weds. Marissa's maturity was slowed significantly by the death of her mother. Dave W. professed dreams of taking Monica to Prom and I nearly died. Not that D.W. is any threat, it's simply the realization that this girl's attractiveness and beauty are widespread. I'll own her soon. She joked about my "short shorts" today though not maliciously like Hannah. Laryssa remains hated. My sister and brother made fun of Bod Dylan's looks and I went overboard by insulting Bob Marley ("mountain goat") and defending the Enlightened One vehemenently. Liz loves me. Meredith might too. I can only hope I don't foul it up. See past relations for further information.

10.11.99

Monica said I should help her with her spikes at McQuaid because I was "strong." Now I hear from my sister that she tells her that I am funny. I heard it last night and floated for a paradise of 5 minutes. Reality can be so cruel. Tonight I watched a special on The 100 Most Influential People of the Millenium. I was so humbled by their collective genius that when I read my poetry tonight I felt it was crappy.

Top 5:
1. Guttenberg, Jonas (printing press)
2. Newton, Isaac
3. Luther, Martin
4. Darwin, Charles
5. Shakespeare, Willy

Maybe one day I'll get there. Christine stopped by for 5 minutes and I was enamoured by her, per usual. At Geoff's kegger Saturday I limited myself to two minor embarassments (better than the countless ones from last year's: 1) Meagan 2) Bronwyn 3) standing 4) U2). This year's crimes: 1) Eventually telling Christine, without provocation, that I crushed for Monica; followed shortly after by 2) Writing lyrics to "Ballad in Plain D" by the immortal one in marker on a plastic cup and showing them to Adam and Christine. Thankfully these embarassments occured after many of the Ignorants departed. I slept in a bed with Adam because we were drunk yet Freud would still go nuts. Go to Hell Siggy! I love Monica, Hannah, Christine, and Meagan.

10.7.99

Today we had a "Spirit Rally." The skits were hilarious which was expected from Geoff, Mark, Sachin etc. Meagan sat 2 rows in front and was conscious of my every observation. These comments, humourous, were made with HER as the intended audience. I searched for Monica in the crowd to no avail. I saw her after running talking to two of Ramone's friends. This is going to be harder than I thought. The football team won, and in celebrating gave me the impression that they think they're the best thing the school has going. Maybe they're just happy. Am I jealous? I could have made the team, so it doesn't exactly fit. Bitter? A possibility. This morning I danced in an empty house to Next's "Real Close." It reminds me of her because she said she loves it and now I love it. Adam somewhat snubbed me after the football game. I punched him in the hall and said "nice game." He mumbled "thanks, I gotta go" and proceeded to have a lengthy, animated conversation with Mark. Geoff can also be a bit pompous with his Student Council gig. Fall's the season of my friend's conceit. I run well but get no respect.

10.6.99

I ignored too many love thoughts today. They eat at my exploring brain. Yet I swear Monica was staring at me as I stood in a group outside 1st period and she stood down the hall. She was laughing and I caught her eye and held it for that split second. Christine continues to make me feel immortal and attractive. I love her as much as she loves everyone else which is a love immeasurable. We're now collaborating on a Math project and it's wonderful. Jeff's immaturity and humour are useful when he's my friend yet horrible as a classmate. I hate Laryssa and it's manifesting into a hate of Krystina. They're so annoying and small, I should forget them and their ability to be ordinary. Johnny stopped by tonight. He's only pompous at school. Tonight he was brilliant. I stepped outside of English today and actually went outside where I had an epiphany. I loved the trees and simpleness and forgot about education with its wood and complication. Meagan returned dropping hints of yesterday about yesterday. She tries so hard to deceive me. I know her too well. It's amazing what you can learn about someone when you've hurt them or have been hurt by them. I can't decide still what happened with me and Meagan. I just realize I know too much to be healthy.

10.5.99

I figured out today why Meagan's in my humour club: because she makes me so funny. In the library today during the end of spare, we re-lived old times. She was searching for a French book for a project. We were alone in the library. We kidded each other like nothing ever happened and it was still last March. She laughs so beautifully. I was on fire. My humour hit the mark. She eventually left and I now feel we're on good ground. Adam M. may still like Monica which dented my pure adoration. Yet I still love and make conscious efforts to be close to her and talk to her at Cross-Country. I'm convinced she loves me. Looking at a picture today, she remarked "you see Geordie, there I am sitting behind you." Adam and Kate may be back together. He could never finish anything anyhow. In 4th spare the people kept coming and going: Hannah, Ashley, Lauren, Eben, Meagan, but I stayed the same. I walked with Hannah to her locker and convinced myself she was Catherine Barkley and I was Friendrich Henry from A Farewell to Arms. I love too easily. "John loves everyone"--Adam and Geoff. His insecurity leads to infinite crushes. It must be painful to be ignorant.

10.4.99

Monica is beautiful. She made a bracelet on the way back from McQuaid (114th place; 18:17!). Everybody was making them out of hemp. She sat behind with Nick and Nick. Initially I thought her motivation for tripling up, even though it wasn't necessary, was Nick W. She then, apparently to me that is, corrected me by saying "here Geordie, I made this bracelet for you." I'll wear it forever! I was convinced of love Saturday and riding a wave of highness. She also went out of her way to say "hi" to me in the halls today. I'm in deep already. Meagoan (who cares how to spell it anymore?) called me about Quebec today. She still rationalizes calling me by saying this time "I called Ashley but she wasn't home" which proves either 1) She is incredibly immature/insecure 2) She still has "a thing" for me. A month ago #2 would have elated me. Now she is fading. Monica may burn out. "It's better to burn out than to fade away" - N. Young. Christine's genius may be fake. She seems too perfect. My jealousy of her and Fraser is definitely real. They talked about golfing together today then Fraser invited me along. He knows too much sometimes. Gordon is hilarious! An adequate member of my humour club: Mike I., Sachin, Greg, Meagan, and yours truly.

9.30.99

Monica and Gordon broke up. 5 days! I flattered myself by placing me as the catalyst. I think she DOES have a glisten in her eye for me. She said to me today that her and Meghan were laughing so hard when I burst into the halls yesterday due to Jeff and I's immaturity. She brought it up! Christine and I had an exchange during my spare and her Phys.Ed class. They were playing roller-blading basketball and I criticized her skills. She kept punching me while we teased and I enjoyed the physical and verbal banter. Kelcy then appeared and we played out a similar routine involving water I stole from her at the Grape and Wine festival. It was a great period. I was so high and ignorant today today think these 3 girls love me. Then again, maybe they think the same about their chances with me.

9.29.99

I have a new crush. She is a new Cross Country runner and in Grade 9 (a social no-no). I see her in the halls and fall on my face. Drop to my knees. Plead my case. Fraser was a dick today. He is so sensitive that the wall he's constructed is inpenetrable. He's so fake. Christine's an amazing girl. I wouldn't even date her. It would obscure her genius. She said aloud today that she has a crush on Landon. She's so opposite of Fraser, maybe that's why they mix well. I laughed so hard in English with Jeff as the culprit that I was forced to exit the room. Tonight I skipped studying (there goes my career) and played the role of "super-fan" for a Girls b-ball game. They got crushed. Cassie was there. She was drunk (kids these days!). Maybe I'll cheat on Grade Niner. I don't even know her name.

9.27.99

Monica is dating Gordon and I'm a Grade 12 Student Council Year Rep by a landslide. I can't decide which of today's events are more impactful. I know it's the Council because I'll convince myself Monica was just a passing fancy. It may, however, be another of my 'blown' opportunities. Dave's in on Council and Fraser isn't which, painful as it was at the time, has subsided now. He couldn't have expected to win. Though it would have been very nice. I observed a characteristic of rationalizing human persona today. Ryan, a rival politician who I defeated, said to me first thing in English class after initial congrats: "2 votes. You beat me by 2 votes." He said it in the softest, nicest of tones and my victory masked this jealousy. Yet, why did he say it? Geoff, who counted the ballots, said I won easily. I trust him a lot more in this matter obviously. Hmm. We're odd creatures when pride infuses its chaotic side.

9.23.99

Today I had a Cross Country race at Mac in Hamilton. I'm warming up to McMaster's lush greenery, but it's still reminiscent of a hospital to me. Scott and Rob are great. Rob is one of the nicest people alive. I re-fell for Hannah while listening to sage Bob Dylan's "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright" and watching her sleep on the bus. Nostalgia is a powerful drug. Steve's a great guy. He gets a bad rap. He reminds me of Tobin. An attractive, funny male with less friends than he should have, but enough happiness. Monica grows inside me. P.S: I got 70th in the huge race (a good place, beat Rob).

9.22.99

Quebec is blossoming! Meagan's coming. "But she is dead/I picture us running/Out of our heads." Planning the trip excites me so much. It should counter the dead period when plans are finalized in January and we must wait 2 months. Johnny gets more "pompous" (credit Sachin) each time we interact. Him and Lindsay are developing a relationship (I didn't know she'd fall that easy). Adam and Kate are nearly over (I didn't think he'd fall to his senses). Year rep elections for Student Council are Monday and I'm worried internally. Can I win? If the whole school voted--hands down. But just my grade? They don't respect me enough. Who cares. I'll win in the long run. If only this confidence defeated my anxious night (various excuses). John is ignorant. Geoff is alive.

9.21.99

It looks like my March Break is set. Ashley and I stumbled upon a touring opportunity to Quebec. My excitement peaked, grew dim as the day waned, but now is forever renewed. During my run, Steve and Rory predicted that Jessica would soon blossom into a hottie. I agreed yet somehow inside I always knew it was true. Meredith continues to make small conversation in English class. She is so shy! I can't believe I wronged her so last year (hope you enjoyed Goodfellas, asshole). Jesse is forgiven. Hannah is forgotten. She can be so cold. I may be falling for Monica. Though I suspect the opposite (she falling for me--subtle hints). Maybe I'm just attracted to her genius which flows out in her immense running prowess.