11.9.99

Christine was in a foul mood today. She punctuated the school day by huffing angrily away from the taunts of Jeff and I. She is in a fight with Krystina over stupid girl squabbles. Luckily her night was punctuated better. We talked and conspired for 30 minutes on the phone and the end result was a Prom date for her with Adam W. All is well. I love her friendship so. Meagan and I had token conversation in the library for a meaningless minute today. Monica was invisible. Sarah's "Hi Geordie" was audible from 10 feet today. We continue to make conscious efforts to communicate our affection for each other. At least that's the way I see it.

11.8.99

My prayers have been answered. Thoughts have been quelled. Prom is upon me as I live the future in the present. I asked Meagan tonight and she gracefully accepted (I knew it all along). I asked in a comedic way, for I had been scheming a routine since lunch today. I blame (thank!) Steve C. for asking if I was going with her. I have thus avoided Krystina (which wouldn't have been the worst thing in the world) and Lauren (who hinted blatantly that we should go--again?!). I jumped when Meagan confirmed and my heart won't stop jumping until the fateful night. Christine commissioned me to ask Brian and Mark about going with her. Unfortunately when the subject of her came up naturally in my living room today, their responses were much less than amiable. Mark told Brian to "get a date fast--before she asks you." Geoff asked how he could avoid her at school to which Brian replied he wasn't there that often anyway and if he saw her name on the call display, he wouldn't pick it up. Fraser glanced at me to communicate our agreeable sentiments--how are we going to tell her the news?! When Geoff suggested a run through of the asking, Mark played Christine and mocked her persistent utterance of the use of "love, and dear" which endears me to her so much. I was hurt for the girl who was slowly (is slowly) becoming my best friend (I can tell her anything). Monica got drunk Saturday at the OFSAA party at Nick's. She was a horrible drunk and it was Gord's fault for her state. We (Monica--my love--and I) had many humorous discussions--one at the start of the day, in-depth, about her endeavours on Saturday. Sarah sat in the library, 5 feet away and ate my heart. We small-talked about Friday's party at Lauren's: which got broken up just as we were sitting alone on her big couch, directly side by side (she making no effort to move--me reminded of Meagan and Mulan last March). She turned around at least twice to illustrate her eavesdropping approval of my humorous rhetoric. All and all a tremendous weekend with all of my angels! Excluding today for Christine. Gosh I love Sarah!

11.4.99

My sister's birthday marked the tone and Meagan stole the mood. She signed my yearbook brilliantly, though through her rhetoric I didn't actually re-live last year. It was more her actions that stirred up the nostalgic. She called my house under one of her famous academic fasads, this time actually looking for French help! She's in Immersion! She covered per usual by listing everyone else she called, yet my father told me at 7:30 that she also called at 5:30. Ridiculous. Monica said I was hilarious to my sister over the phone, probably due to our 4 encounters today. I love Sarah yet I continue to construct a palace of regret leading from a road of inaction. Speaking of which, Mark told me that him and Sachin (and everyone--almost) are on a hurt boat for Prom. Crunch time is coming and my docket is dead empty. Desolation leads me to Christine, Chantal, Meagan, or even Monica. In a dream I never had that is.

11.3.99

I wrote in yearbooks today. Writing a novel in Christine's and the remnants of humorous love in Meagan's. Christine's took up 2 whole pages! Her beauty fueled my tireless pen and mind. In Meagan's I wrote the caption of foreclosure I've been meaning to give our relationship. I talked about gayer times when we loved to make each other laugh. But I made a subtle theme towards the end, calling her an angel (with reference to yesterday's "bitch" comment) and stating there was "so much left unsaid between us." She laughed hysterically on first reading, but upon 2nd and 3rd she will be touched. That was my goal. I saw Sarah in the halls way too many times today, and in the library. John B. made me feel completely insecure there with his reference to my lack of eyebrows. And my bride was but 10 feet away! Finally, as we passed, she said "Hi Geordie" (note the use of first name). I mumbled love's confusions of "Hi Sarah" in response. I really just wanted to take her to a field and watch her get impatient while maintaining her beauty. Twain saved my guilt of doing no work today by saying "I never let my schooling interfere with my education."

11.2.99

Meagan asserted herself in the library today and reinstated herself in my heart for 5 minutes. Dave B. and I were in there typing up an English script when she came over, read it, joked, and was offended. You see, as she read the script she said "the girls in this play are all bitches" to which I responded that that was the theme and mouthed: "all girls are bitches." She intercepted my lips, was not hurt but shocked, but left on a good note. Also, at lunch she gave me her bagel which, prior to the gift, I was ogling to John and Lindsay. Lindsay said we were "a match made in heaven." Meagan defended herself by saying that she DIDN'T like the bagel. I saw Sarah in the library and gave a late hello. It was awkward, and her unenthusiastic response dulled a love so powerful. Christine got her license and I spoke brilliantly on the phone with her tonight. She is Meagan without bullshit pressure and beauty; I mean she HAS the beauty unlike Meagan. I entreat myself to love Sarah. She is luscious. Hannah is available?!

10.28.99

I danced with my dream-girl Sarah S. beneath the trees for two beautiful eternities. Erin had me. Christine closed the night, a night without Meagan. Sarah and I and Ignorants discussed various irrelevancies outside after the dance for 30 minutes. I am drunk. Sachin is a genius. His gift for words is unparalleled. Adam is Salinger, beneath a critical moon. I cannot live without Sarah as my bride.

10.27.99

I cut off Monica's bracelet and cut off my pain. The yearbooks arrived and yours truly is in zero pictures save my school one. What impression can my lovers have? Especially considering my school picture is heinous. Sachin, Christine, Adam and I will be "utilizing" tomorrow night before the dance. Four geniuses and only two bottles. It shall be interesting. Prom plans are defunct at this point but someone may rise out of the woodworks.

10.26.99

Pajamas were a success in casualness. Today Christine amazed me. We went to look for a costume in Niagara Falls. She criticized Bronwyn and our "forced" date on Saturday. I sort of convinced myself it was jealousy. But I worked it down to shock in care of a friend. I dreamed of Kerouac/Crossing the train tracks/And you with your hair back/Told me what life lacks/It was all so matter-of-fact. She said so many wonderful things that this pen will never know. Including "Geordie's my new best friend. Right Geordie?" My eyes answered while my heart yearned. Monica is now erased. I heard her telling Ramon about a guy and her from another school. I give up so easily. The bracelet, like infatuation, will fade. Prom Plan '99 has been aborted as quickly as it was decided. Our investigator, Jordan, is taking my debutant while Adam D. is escorting Frank's madame. I'm back to square 1 and sinking fast. Hannah? Christine? In dreams not dresses.

10.25.99

Yesterday was Meagan's birthday. I bid her tidings on Friday to cover a weekend spent certainly apart. Then I proceeded to Cat's for Grad 'celebrations.' I certainly out-celebrated them all, chugging and flailing all the while. Today Frank and I dined alone at the Pen while discussing Prom date possibilities. We formulated somewhat of a preliminary plan, with Jordan G. as an accomplice. We plan to ask Sarah and Andrea, Grade 10 heartthrobs, Frank taking the latter. Jordan is our investigator; Frank praised his track record. Christine was as amazed as I that I went to a movie with Bronwyn Saturday. My excuse: drunken promises on Friday. My reality: loneliness. Ashley hugged and love me a bit too much today then killed me with pictures from Camp of her "hot Prom date." Krystina backed up the claim with exaggeration as an annoying 'Ordinary' often does. I got Spring Prom's picture of me and my sexual deviant Laryssa back. I hid it after school. I probably should have burned it. I often glance at Meredith and wonder why I couldn't love her. Tomorrow I will wear my pajamas to school. Gord is too funny to resist.

10.21.99

Today I disappointed someone, yet I can't decide who. It can't be me unless my brain is hiding something. After my race (18th place--NOT running at SOSSA--Fraser 15th, Adam M. 13th) Mr. Hinton said "Don't worry Geordie, we both know you can do better than that." Initially I brushed it off. Upon further analysis it was quite a bastardly comment. I ran to the 'wall' and nearly scaled it. I ran well. Left next-to-nothing on the course. I guess he's just giving me fuel for next year. Yesterday Ashley gave me a slight massage in the library which was borderline ecstasy. Krystina asked me to Prom. Seriously at first (I think) and then to bridge awkwardness at my hesistance, jokingly. I haven't even thought to December 17th yet. Save that one night at Glenridge at 2 a.m. with Geoff when we shared drunken dreams of Alexis and Sarah. Scott B. said he'd "give" Monica today. It's almost like I blame her for all of the other boys who bask in her beauty. Like they're not worthy of the love I could provide. Her beauty is trans-millenia yet I can still only tell that to this book. "Time will tell/Who has fell/And who's been left behind/When you go your way and I go mine"--Bob Dylan. So true. MG + GM. I never realized our initials were reverals of each other. We're practically married.

10.19.99

Meagan shagged some mental case named Gary the summer, so Laryssa casually noted after the film Fight Club tonight. She said it with a purpose as if to incite these feelings. But that bitch isn't that perceptive. Lindsay was at the film and quelled/deflected my contempt for 'The Collector' (see writings of Leonard Cohen). The library was utterly dead today. A wasteland from the war on my heart waged yesterday. All of my beauties were gone and dead, I was reborn in Hell. Monica fades fast--she was just a child afterall. Christine was a bitch today, being picky about my grammar. I argued then relented, seeing little point. I'm too sensitive. It seems everyone was a bitch today and only Lindsay could save me. I day-dreamed and planned to be a famous novelist, Steinbeck, to escape. Yet reality wins too many times. If only I were Lewis Carrol.

10.18.99

In the library today I was surrounded. Flanked by 7 luscious beauties. I don't know how to describe it. I could hardly concentrate on Math. Meagan, Hannah, Ashley, Chantal, Melissa S., Lindsay E., and Nadia were the perpetrators of this academic hiatus. I felt they loved me and Meagan might actually still. I see a spark when she focuses her comments on me, maybe it's simply the spark from my eyes and not hers. I tried to make her a bit jealous with Hannah and our mock-jury showdown from this book I found. Nick W. quit running and today I found out he told John P. he only started because he loved my Monica. I still have the bracelet yet hope fades. I'm falling out of love. Laryssa could not mar my princesses today though she tried. Lindsay asked me who I was going to Prom with. It's way too early. My answer was: "isn't it October?" Meagan tossed me bait yet I foolishly ignored. She said "I'm going stag;" she can be such a martyr. Laryssa strategically asked me about Prom close to Meagan's confessions. I jokingly called Christine a whore and she hated me for 20 minutes. She forced an apology and we allied again. Lindsay E. hates Lindsay N.: future ammo.

10.14.99

Christine was absent today and I felt a void. Though yesterday she broke my heart with her comments about me and Adam at Geoff's. I was visibly hurt and she wrote me an apology note to cure me. When she signs anything "Love Christine" or says "I love you" she has my forgiveness. When she does both, as she did, she has me missing her every breath like today. I swear I heard Monica say to Sheena yesterday "I love Geordie" when we were joking around during stretches. It certainly was something to that effect. I'd like to at least think I was the subject. Liz may still love me. Krystina said I had a "hard body" to me today. I had an amazing lunch with Jesse G., Erin, Ashley, and Krystina at the Pen. I was riding a humorous wave. I love Ashley for her virtue and natural beauty. Erin for her spontaneity and devilish good looks. Krystina for her innocence and quiet charm. Mark is too funny. Tonight I denied going to Cat's after the football game--thus saving my liver and Cross-Country season.