11.24.99

Meagan and I conspired again late tonight, and talk lulled a little but was infused with humour towards the end. I love her so much! We should marry based solely on our conversations but we're both too immature (or is it insecure?) to realize that yet. Christine was an unbelievable jezebel today. In the Student Council meeting she bitched about people talking behind her back last week. Gord, Irfin, Katherine (a grade 9 beauty) snickered silently together about her behaviour. Monica was in the library in 4th spare, virtually alone and we conversed across tables (a mile for lovers). I really think she may have a crush for me and I now go out of my way to say hello to her and she requites. She's a Polish Godess with English grace and delicacy. Sarah and I passed smiles in the hall (though Meagan overshadows so many of these previously weighted, now realized, insignificances). I had fun at lunch going to BK with Rob, Graeme, Jeff, and Sean. Graeme is so immature and hilarious. We were interviewed (our 1st period class) by the Standard today on our thoughts on our generation. I wish I had more politics and self-awareness. Then I could champion the class like Nietzsche or Rage Against the Machine's Zack.....Really I just wish I was more extreme.

11.23.99

Christine was the classic harlot/jezebel today and I casually ignored her genuine crap and contempt. Sarah was neglible. Monica came alive! She said hello and asked me my 'Rines nickname (Ed. note: 'Rines is a joke clan started by me and Gord which alienates others while providing moi and my Grade 10 compatriots with amusement). Lindsay E. annoyed me. Hannah emitted pulchritude in the library today. Scholastically, my ladies were dead and my mind was fatigued. Julia, on taking Jeff to Prom: "I'd rather go with a more respectable date." Horrible. Jeff gets knocked down too often. Who is this Julia/ignorant anyway? 'Her eyes were lies with barfing ties.' Maybe not the beautiful prose which I wrote earlier today but certainly impassioned. Disappointingly (for I searched), Meagan was gone and her memory served in her absence. Last night the world leaped, today it merely lurches.

11.22.99

Sometimes--like tonight--I don't know why I act like I do. Before basketball the Junior Girls Volleyball tryouts were held and there were masses of people in the halls. Sarah and Andrea reigned over these Insignificants--yet when Andrea whistled at me (I was wearing a b-ball jersey: can you blame the girl? Conceited joke; I don't ask for many), I merely held a 1 minute intercourse with them. Then I abruptly departed--for some reason, as usual, with them. I then showed off playing, with them watching. I really do show-off too often. I wonder if girls know? I blamed Laryssa for my failure of communication because she was there. She's always so detracting. Meagan called and I returned under no pretense. I was brilliant. I talked to her sister Alex for a spell and we interacted surprisingly well. I can never do justice to our humour so I won't try. Bottom line--she makes me so funny. I just got it. She's my muse! Perfect! She returns the favours, but she's blatantly a catalyst. Christine was beautiful and hideous all in her 1 hour and 15 minute time span. Monica caught my eye and sparked remembrances. Girls can be unknowingly cruel. P.S: Kate told me at dinner on Friday she thinks Monica has a crush on me. Oh, to lie and purge in one sentiment!

11.18.99

Christine returned today triumphantly (how else?). She is so beautiful in life, humour, and shallowness (otherwise known as looks). We made plans to elope this weekend--go shopping for Prom et ceteras. Meagan called again tonight, though conversation was brief because of my work quotas. She tried to laugh, it seems, at jokes I made which weren't quite funny. Sarah floated past me today and we exchanged love's currencies--for us a smile. (Eventually a kiss! Oh how I dream!). Tonight I took a walk with Geoff and John at 11 and we discussed the various nothings which we inject humour or emotion into--Prom, school, parasites (Laryssa). Geoff said he was/and I was his best friend, albeit subtly in the midst of a joke. I felt good about that. I had a crazy dream today while I napped. John B. and the family in a car travelling fast to nowhere I know. It shocked me. I finished another Kerouac book today--he is becoming my pen.

11.17.99

Meagan and I are back now, the year begins (re-begins) cyclically. She calls me about Prom, but we inevitably talk various other life-bloods and beauties which make our affection so open. Sarah killed/saw me in the library. It was 4th period and her and Andrea were pretending to work. Frank came along, we merged and along with Jordan G. (the robber) and Jeff (the jester) we discussed Prom plans. I joked and laughed and she the same. Though I wonder who noticed first. Who does it mean more to? Stupid questions with answers which chain my insecurity with inaction. She said goodbye and flashed that "I-know-you-Geordie-are-gazing-deeper-here's-a-present" look at me. Hannah was an annoyance. Ashley was a neutral. Sachin was again brilliant, pervading pretending ambitions of playing on the basketball team. I only wish he would. The team lacks enjoyment. Sachin IS infusion. Geoff finally asked Alexis to Prom. I wasn't sure if he would, but he's my boy so I hoped (dreamed?!) he would. I have read too much Kerouac (not possible) and have thus become him (see above bracket). One day on the shores of brilliance we'll talk Jack. My vanguard/beatnik hero. (Sarah is Dylan's "Queen Jane").

11.15.99

I wrote poetry in Math class. I was so bored by Christine's absence. On the way to school I floated on a diabetic paradigm which led me to the dirges of lowness and caused me to fall over. I became scared when I re-remembered my temporary unconsciousness in Math class. Meagan, Jordan (my new darling baby heartbreaker murderer beauty), and Sarah were all noticeably invisible (if that's possible). I gazed deep in Meredith's eyes today--they danced and played games with my lonely ambitious heart. I love her again. She reminds me of a girl from Fitzgerald--with a rich background and startling energy--she's upper class. Geoff claimed he'd ask Alexis to Prom in person today but I knew and reality knew he wouldn't (and as I found out--didn't). Krystina startled me with her fresh beauty today. Ashley played games, pretending to hate me. I was too cruel to Laryssa about her lack of a Prom date. Big Frank quit basketball. Overall, an utterly dull and depressing day in an otherwise dancing and vibrant life.

11.11.99

"Lest we forget." I got emotional today in the 2 minutes of silence we observed today for our Veterans. The magnitude of their bravery combined with the memory of my Grandfather overwhelmed me. Sachin is truly hilarious. He is arguably the funniest person I have ever met. His vocabulary is so extensive that he can add humour to any minor occurrence. Vocabulary really does demonstrate intelligence, for Sachin is a genius--my words are merely second rate. Sarah burst open the night and day and fused the paradox again today. She breaks my heart. Monica held a conversation in the halls about Dave W.'s potential (recently cancelled) party quite marvelously. She is fantastic. Frank claims she is only an "Olympian-type beauty" (see Gail Devers) but to me she is so much more. Yet too immature for my affections. Bronwyn is annoying and I wish I had never met her. Meredith has a way of looking at me that makes me set wedding dates or at least movie dates. She is a questioning beauty--I have no answers.

11.10.99

Meagan called me to chat tonight. We had one of our famous epics. 51 minutes and it could've lasted through the night had "Jeopardy" not interrupted. Mostly it was reminiscient of last year, with joking and jabbing back and forth. I feel more mature now as I resist the urge to continually belittle her to protect my insecurity and affection. She has matured a little as well or perhaps she just followed my lead. Sometimes I wish a friend like Geoff could hear our conversations and then perhaps they would see her brilliance and beauty. She is so funny and smart--yet I love her differently than Christine--with more of a future. Sarah and I are now greeting and exchanging glances on a daily basis. I must approach her! I am gaining the confidence to talk to her but am lacking the experience. She melts me every day. Ashley is so naturally pretty it pierces my lonely eyes. Sarah must come! Do not desert me like I perceived Monica to, or like Meagan clearly did so many months ago. In reality I desert myself and girls just fall by the wayside.