1.16.00

Today lunch was again the highpoint as John, Krys (affectionate after countless lunch dates), Meagan, and Ashley accompanied my mind and spirit to 'ol kill-the-coronary McDonald's. The lunch table was ablaze with jokes, I acting as an arsonist. Meagan only made me jealous once when she talked of some boyhood chum coming to Quebec in March and apparently she hears "he's hot now." I engaged John to avoid this conversation though I lent more than an ear secretly to Meagan and Ashley's. Meagan cannot love me any more. Little things like the way back to school in the back middle when she forced her legs extreme right away from me (me--stupid--not realizing her body was pressed more to me). Next, in the library she encountered me leaving and her entering with a shocked, not unhappy, but plain look as we passed in seconds. Me only faintly hearing "Geordie" and me muttering "hi." Sarah and Andrea passed at "T" in the halls before first period. They glanced left at my hobbled, late, cold being and I detected laughter as if to indicate pity, followed by indifference. I take comfort in the fact it was once different between my bride and I. Andrea, that converted, ordinary, unthinking jezebel. She scorns my Sarah. I hear she said today at lunch (from Kate): "I can't wait until next year" because apparently "she hates the OAC guys," and, as an after-thought, the "Grade 12s too." That bitch doesn't deserve this attention, but the comment stung a little. After all, she is a French-Canadian beauty (Ti Pousse). Finally, at lunch John called Meagan sensitive and Meagan laughed at (in her mind) such a completely inaccurate statement. Sarcasm was her vehicle of rejection. John is right (this time). She tried too hard to be cold-hearted. I should sing her "Hey Jude" in its entirety (with naa-naas). I suddenly remember my main definitive, secretive insult to her: "she is identical to a child which is found in the wrong sex, demonstrating physical and emotional characteristics of the opposite sex, including small breasts and lesbian traits." If only she were gay and loved me like in March. Words (big and small) protected me today.