1.12.00

Today at McDonald's (again?! and always since I'm getting fat) I sat--for a brief stint (2 minutes=20 hours) with Meagan alone at a table. The line was so backed up, and she was waiting alone for her comrades. I turned down Krystina and sat with my former infatuation. She beckoned me and we talked about much of nothing (which always feels like a hell of a lot when it's with her). Mark W. killed the chatter with his obnoxious call to me: "Hey, Miller, are you on a lunch date with Meagan?!" (audible laughter from the infants). I was so red-faced, insecure, embarrassed that I bee-lined to Mark (across the establishment) and punched him. I can only imagine what Meagan thought when I violently departed, lingered there, and never returned. I inflict errors so deep into myself that they hardly become known to me. Mark S. angered me when he insulted "Wacky Wednesday" and threatened to axe it. He will burn sometime. Gord and I will preserve with our humour in tact and everlasting! (Though selfishly I am beginning to doubt his prowess).

1.11.00

Now that school has resumed I feel it appropriate to divide the major incidents which dotted today into 3 difference scenes. 1. Laryssa--at lunch Ashley and Krystina inquisitioned me as to "what's the deal with Laryssa and I?" They say I keep coming after her, and must like her. I shot these arrows (daggers) down by arguing that a) I was drunk both times b) She attacked me c) I don't like her--remotely. Thankfully John aided my defense. 2. Sarah (I thought she vanished?!)--I have taken painful steps to avoid contact, however today while Jeff and I took the alternate route out of English we clashed with my former heart-tormentor. Worse yet, we walked side by side, silent, shadowing each other's pace and staccato step. Jeff elbowed me as if to indicate I didn't realize her presence. I yelled at him with the excuse to awkwardly slow down. Heather saved Sarah a bit. 3. Meagan--we got our Prom pictures back and I looked drunk but happy with my bride. I was also wearing my now famous "Drunk smile" which Meagan chided me for. I made a joke about the decrepit appearance of her hand. She exited happily, exclaiming "I hate you" over her back at me. I love her again with a re-freshened love--still too jealous to be pure.

1.10.00

I avoided Sarah and her desolate descending eyes in the halls today by re-routing my path post-English class. I may love Meagan again! We talked in passing at my locker in the morning, at McDonald's at lunch, and briefly in the library this afternoon. Erin took me to McD's with Krystina whom I loved for her innocence. Erin made me feel good about myself by portraying me as a necessary element in our lunch-time excursion (which Krystina forced upon Erin, dangling an owed favour). Krystina made me feel great when she said that "Christine was hitting on everybody ESPECIALLY ME (!) at Cat's Saturday." I don't entirely agree though my hazy drunk memory will support some of this claim. Laryssa and Graham can perish at their leisure together for I am not incapacitated always and therefore she cannot take advantage of me. I let Hannah read my "Poetry and Me" journal and love her all the while (even as she poked fun--though later complimenting). Christine was beautiful her amazing self today, as she never disappoints me.

1.1.00

Geoff says he's done with Alexis and I agreed I was finished with Sarah. Apparently I told him that at Mark W.'s. This is by no means a journal to recount that particular night (that comes later). Tomorrow I begin my life and search "After Sarah," in title only for my wounds of rejection are still healing (Scott M.! Again! Gun?!). At least it was indirect (through Adam) unlike last year with Meagan. Bills game is a celebration of re-birth.

12.22.99

Only one incident seems notable this late at night (11:18pm: Geoff's with Mark W., Jon S. returns as I depart). I held a floor at lunch surrounded by Jill, Heather, Andrea, and Sarah (bride). They showed me a picture of me from Prom (of course at Sarah's table) and Sarah and Andrea both agreed I looked "very sexy." I melted (back of my mind knowing there is the tiny drop of sarcasm in their compliments). Next I teased Andrea admirably as she worried if she was invited to Y2-Keg. Most importantly, however, was when Andrea remarked, "Do you remember what you said that night?"!!! No! I wish I only could! She glanced a cursory look to Sarah when she asked. Oh, how much of my love did I reveal?! We parted well--I rode a cloud to English. Sarah and I had another passing--salute--and sexy, shy, shimmering smile in response. Meagan and I are incommunicado and I do not weep nor care. Hannah is gorgeous and I love her foreign simplicity. Sarah--to hold and haunt.