10.27.99

I cut off Monica's bracelet and cut off my pain. The yearbooks arrived and yours truly is in zero pictures save my school one. What impression can my lovers have? Especially considering my school picture is heinous. Sachin, Christine, Adam and I will be "utilizing" tomorrow night before the dance. Four geniuses and only two bottles. It shall be interesting. Prom plans are defunct at this point but someone may rise out of the woodworks.

10.26.99

Pajamas were a success in casualness. Today Christine amazed me. We went to look for a costume in Niagara Falls. She criticized Bronwyn and our "forced" date on Saturday. I sort of convinced myself it was jealousy. But I worked it down to shock in care of a friend. I dreamed of Kerouac/Crossing the train tracks/And you with your hair back/Told me what life lacks/It was all so matter-of-fact. She said so many wonderful things that this pen will never know. Including "Geordie's my new best friend. Right Geordie?" My eyes answered while my heart yearned. Monica is now erased. I heard her telling Ramon about a guy and her from another school. I give up so easily. The bracelet, like infatuation, will fade. Prom Plan '99 has been aborted as quickly as it was decided. Our investigator, Jordan, is taking my debutant while Adam D. is escorting Frank's madame. I'm back to square 1 and sinking fast. Hannah? Christine? In dreams not dresses.

10.25.99

Yesterday was Meagan's birthday. I bid her tidings on Friday to cover a weekend spent certainly apart. Then I proceeded to Cat's for Grad 'celebrations.' I certainly out-celebrated them all, chugging and flailing all the while. Today Frank and I dined alone at the Pen while discussing Prom date possibilities. We formulated somewhat of a preliminary plan, with Jordan G. as an accomplice. We plan to ask Sarah and Andrea, Grade 10 heartthrobs, Frank taking the latter. Jordan is our investigator; Frank praised his track record. Christine was as amazed as I that I went to a movie with Bronwyn Saturday. My excuse: drunken promises on Friday. My reality: loneliness. Ashley hugged and love me a bit too much today then killed me with pictures from Camp of her "hot Prom date." Krystina backed up the claim with exaggeration as an annoying 'Ordinary' often does. I got Spring Prom's picture of me and my sexual deviant Laryssa back. I hid it after school. I probably should have burned it. I often glance at Meredith and wonder why I couldn't love her. Tomorrow I will wear my pajamas to school. Gord is too funny to resist.

10.21.99

Today I disappointed someone, yet I can't decide who. It can't be me unless my brain is hiding something. After my race (18th place--NOT running at SOSSA--Fraser 15th, Adam M. 13th) Mr. Hinton said "Don't worry Geordie, we both know you can do better than that." Initially I brushed it off. Upon further analysis it was quite a bastardly comment. I ran to the 'wall' and nearly scaled it. I ran well. Left next-to-nothing on the course. I guess he's just giving me fuel for next year. Yesterday Ashley gave me a slight massage in the library which was borderline ecstasy. Krystina asked me to Prom. Seriously at first (I think) and then to bridge awkwardness at my hesistance, jokingly. I haven't even thought to December 17th yet. Save that one night at Glenridge at 2 a.m. with Geoff when we shared drunken dreams of Alexis and Sarah. Scott B. said he'd "give" Monica today. It's almost like I blame her for all of the other boys who bask in her beauty. Like they're not worthy of the love I could provide. Her beauty is trans-millenia yet I can still only tell that to this book. "Time will tell/Who has fell/And who's been left behind/When you go your way and I go mine"--Bob Dylan. So true. MG + GM. I never realized our initials were reverals of each other. We're practically married.

10.19.99

Meagan shagged some mental case named Gary the summer, so Laryssa casually noted after the film Fight Club tonight. She said it with a purpose as if to incite these feelings. But that bitch isn't that perceptive. Lindsay was at the film and quelled/deflected my contempt for 'The Collector' (see writings of Leonard Cohen). The library was utterly dead today. A wasteland from the war on my heart waged yesterday. All of my beauties were gone and dead, I was reborn in Hell. Monica fades fast--she was just a child afterall. Christine was a bitch today, being picky about my grammar. I argued then relented, seeing little point. I'm too sensitive. It seems everyone was a bitch today and only Lindsay could save me. I day-dreamed and planned to be a famous novelist, Steinbeck, to escape. Yet reality wins too many times. If only I were Lewis Carrol.

10.18.99

In the library today I was surrounded. Flanked by 7 luscious beauties. I don't know how to describe it. I could hardly concentrate on Math. Meagan, Hannah, Ashley, Chantal, Melissa S., Lindsay E., and Nadia were the perpetrators of this academic hiatus. I felt they loved me and Meagan might actually still. I see a spark when she focuses her comments on me, maybe it's simply the spark from my eyes and not hers. I tried to make her a bit jealous with Hannah and our mock-jury showdown from this book I found. Nick W. quit running and today I found out he told John P. he only started because he loved my Monica. I still have the bracelet yet hope fades. I'm falling out of love. Laryssa could not mar my princesses today though she tried. Lindsay asked me who I was going to Prom with. It's way too early. My answer was: "isn't it October?" Meagan tossed me bait yet I foolishly ignored. She said "I'm going stag;" she can be such a martyr. Laryssa strategically asked me about Prom close to Meagan's confessions. I jokingly called Christine a whore and she hated me for 20 minutes. She forced an apology and we allied again. Lindsay E. hates Lindsay N.: future ammo.

10.14.99

Christine was absent today and I felt a void. Though yesterday she broke my heart with her comments about me and Adam at Geoff's. I was visibly hurt and she wrote me an apology note to cure me. When she signs anything "Love Christine" or says "I love you" she has my forgiveness. When she does both, as she did, she has me missing her every breath like today. I swear I heard Monica say to Sheena yesterday "I love Geordie" when we were joking around during stretches. It certainly was something to that effect. I'd like to at least think I was the subject. Liz may still love me. Krystina said I had a "hard body" to me today. I had an amazing lunch with Jesse G., Erin, Ashley, and Krystina at the Pen. I was riding a humorous wave. I love Ashley for her virtue and natural beauty. Erin for her spontaneity and devilish good looks. Krystina for her innocence and quiet charm. Mark is too funny. Tonight I denied going to Cat's after the football game--thus saving my liver and Cross-Country season.